Mother's Day

Attended what will probably be my last AA noon meeting for this year's FL excursion in Kissimmee today. Very moving meeting, especially from mothers at the extremes of the sobriety spectrum and in between;

• a newly sober mother agonizing over the parenting mess cased by her addiction, and loosing children because of it
• to a few in their first year expressing gratitude for repair occurring with their own moms and with their own children,  
• to old timers full of gratitude and appreciation for the gifts that sobriety has brought to those relationships, giving AA the credit as the platform that made the journey possible.

Lots of tears there. That's what I like about AA meetings, real people, real stuff, the raising of the human being to fullness. There were some young ones running around distributing a rose (someone had donated a bunch)  to each mom. So in front of us joyful children, with available parents. Fully available, body, mind and spirit.

I was reflective about what sobriety has meant to my relationships with my kids. As a drinking parent I was mostly there physically and financially but mostly absent mentally and spiritually. Even on the physical and emotional level it was obligatory and resentful. Scouts, soccer games, school plays, concerts, taxi services, on and on, yuk. Time and resources away from what me, myself and I wanted. On top of it, a house and yard needing constant attention. We bought a fix-it-up starter home in 1977 and it stayed in fix-it-up condition for a long time. No shortage of grand plans and grandiose ideas ("let me get a beer and figure this out") but way short on action and execution. ("the game is on!"). Endless blame and resentments, promises broken, frustration.

Then a moment of grace, a glimmer of hope, a willingness to try something different.

Then sobriety started and a journey of growing up. 31 years later, a lot more balanced, a lot less resentful, grandchildren that have never seen me drink and children fully aware of AA's role in bringing them some semblance of a father. Still flawed for sure, but what alternate universe would there be had this not occurred? We know that addiction is progressive and affects everyone, but we also know the recovery is progressive and affects everyone.

And father is grateful for the spouse (and great mother) who demanded I put in those appearances and met minimal commitments so that the family unit could survive until it could thrive, thanks to AA.

I'd like to think that my efforts at least put a dent in the cycle, and serve as example. Small efforts, but leveraged by huge contributions of energy and perspective from the program and the fellowship. So after 31 years, another magical meeting, a short hour on a Sunday morning to remember that life, sober life, is good indeed. Happy Mothers day